Normally in these installments of “The Conversation” I post satirical fake conversations that I have with celebrities. I’ve “talked to” Dick Cheney, J.K. Rowling, Tyra Banks, Linsday Lohan, Oprah, Britney Spears, etc. But this time, I really feel like fact is stranger than fiction. Below is a recount of an actual conversation I had with a psychic at a Psychic Fair in Austin last week. I guess I’ll just call her “AP” for “Anonymous Psychic.” I’m snarky, but I’m not mean.
AP: (Deep cleansing breath) Helloooo…
AP: First I would like to tell you that your grandmother with whom you were very close is standing behind you and calling you “buttercup.” Also I see that she used to ride you around in a wheelbarrow. Does that ring a bell?
Me: Um, OK.
Fact: My maternal grandmother is 94 years old and I barely knew my paternal grandmother. The only endearing nickname she ever called me was, well, Jennifer.
AP: So she died from heart failure?
Fact: My gradmother died of Alzheimer’s
AP: And it looks as though you’ll be meeting someone who you’ll connect with and possibly marry?
Me: Already married.
Fact: Six years ago to the day to be precise.
AP: Oh, OK. Well maybe you’re entering a new positive phase?
AP: It looks like you’ll be returning to the home state where you were born and raised in the next few months. Are you from the East or West coast?
Me: I’m from Austin.
AP: Ever spent time anywhere?
Me: Boston and LA.
AP: Maybe that’s it.
Fact: Born and raised in Texas, moved away for college and career but came back 13 years ago.
AP: And I’m seeing a lot of healing energy around you. You’re in the medical profession, right? Are you a nurse?
Me: Um, no.
AP: A healer?
Me: Not really. I’m a writer and a publicist.
AP: So you help people.
Me: I guess you could say so.
AP: Yes, that’s probably it.
Fact: Literally can not stand the sight of blood and hospitals give me panic attacks.
AP: So, what would you like to know?
Me: I want to know if I should expand my career and what my financial future looks like.
AP: What do you do?
Me: I’m a publicist.
AP: Really? Well, we should talk!
Me: I’m really thinking about exploring my journalism roots and doing more writing and seeing where that goes. What do the cards say?
AP: Follow your dreams and the money will follow.
Me: I mean, I’ve heard that before but is it true?
Me: How definitely?
AP: Just believe.
Me: Um, OK.
AP: Give me your e-mail address and I’ll put you on my newsletter list, OK?
Me: OK. (deep sigh) OK